9/12/83 – 9/20/03
Love, Mom
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This Change is Good
6 SepMy work life for the past year has been tumultuous at best … never a steady even keel like I had grown use to. Up until about 10 days ago I had been able to take everything in stride, deal with it, and survive … but it hasn’t been easy.
However, last week things changed dramatically for the worse. I went home after another very difficult day – shut myself off from the outside world – and had some quiet time with God and The Universe. I needed help to somehow improve my working situation and I had absolutely no clue what to do or where to even start to make that possible.
I’ve been at my company for over 34 years now … I could quit if I really, really wanted to. But I’d like to hang in there until 7-31-09. On that day I will be 55 yrs old and will have been with the company for a little over 35 years. That is a huge milestone that I would like to achieve.
As luck would have it –and after all my experiences of the past 5 years I know luck has absolutely nothing to do with it — I had scheduled my yearly physical for last Thursday (although it’s really been two years – I’m not much for going to the doctor unless I’m on my death bed). When I told my doctor about all the chaos … she immediately recommended a medical leave of absence, which I didn’t argue with. I’ll be at home, away from my job, for a minimum of 2 weeks.
It is a welcome break and it will give me a chance to get some balance back into my life and just breathe.
It is proof once again that when you need something, all you have to do is ask. A medical leave was something that had never crossed my mind. I thought my options were to quit or once again suck it up and be tough.
My sense is that there is more to this story and I’m anxiously waiting to see how it will all unfold. It is such a relief to have this break though and I’m going to savor every moment. As the saying goes, “I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know who holds the future.” Not sure who gets credit for that one, but I love it.
Make your day great!
Life After Loss Radio Show
11 DecIn November I had the honor to be on Life After Loss, a weekly radio program dealing with issues of loss, resiliency and life, hosted by my dear friend, Carolyn Carlson
Julie Aydlott, the author of the book True Stories of Messages From Beyond, was also on. This is the book that my story is in.
There are also many other wonderful shows archived as well.
This week’s guest was Janis Amatuzio, author of Forever Ours and Beyond Knowing. Last week was Neale Donald Walsch, author of the Conversations with God series. Next week’s guest is Beth Nielson Chapman, singer/song writer.
Check it out if you have some time! www.KTOE.com
Click on LIFE AFTER LOSS found across the top of the page.
Choose to make your day great!
Wow! What a Weekend!!
4 NovI just had a really great weekend!! I’m so jazzed right now I can hardly stand it.
Yesterday I met up with JoAnn Bruhn. We have always known each other, but just met up for the first time in this life time. Never, in a million years did I ever think I would find someone who has had such a similar path as mine over the past 4 years. But, then I met JoAnn!
She spoke at the October Forum and it was so good! JoAnn’s son Craig passed away in 1995 and she has been on the journey of intuitive knowing and peace ever since. She is an intuitive as well as a gifted speaker and songwriter. I have added a line to her website, Sundance Project. The song that was channeled to her thru Craig three days after his death is just phenomenal. I’ve lost count of the number of times I have listened to it since she gave it to me yesterday.
We got together on Saturday morning to share our journeys. It is sooo much fun to talk about it all! It is simply incredible.
Today our church had an All Saints Service. This year it was held at St. John’s cemetery. 5 people were asked to speak about their loved one buried there. I got to talk about Liz and I also shared a little bit of the amazing and wonderful connection that we still share today. I hope I opened a few eyes and made a few people scratch their head and wonder. My parents were in attendance which will also prove to be “interesting.”
They know something has been going on with me … but they never ask me … I decided a while ago to adopt the “don’t ask … don’t tell policy” regarding intuitive happenings in my life … once in a while they’ll be brave and ask alittle something … but then they are quickly overwhelmed by the little I do share … so I have to back off. Maybe this will be the start of something big … I hope so.
Life is good!
Make your week great!
Another Interesting Week!!
21 OctLife is just so darn fascinating … you just never know what is going to come your way each day when you wake up.
Thankfully, things at work have quieted … we still have security on site but a “person of interest” is being looked at and is a very strong suspect as the bomb threat perpetrator.
But something else really amazing happened in my “other life” this week and has been continually on my mind.
I got a call from my friend Marie a week ago asking if I would consider talking to a woman named Iris. Her daughter Amy passed away very unexpectedly a little over two years ago. She was a freshman in college. Naturally Iris is devastated by this loss, as all of us are, when we lose a child. But, she was also receiving very clear and specific messages from Amy; and she was beside herself trying to decide if they were “real” or was she just going crazy? And, how did all of this fit with her religious upbringing?
Now Marie, who is also a psychic/medium, had met with Iris just a few days prior, and Amy was indeed present. But as stubborn daughters can sometimes be, she refused to talk at that particular time.
The next day Amy did return to Marie. She said only one word … KIM.
Immediately though, Marie knew exactly what Amy meant and what she wanted. Thus Marie’s call to me.
Needless to say, I was flabbergasted when I heard that a girl I didn’t even know, on the other side, would say my name!
It didn’t take long before I realized that Liz had a part in this whole scenario. She and Amy had connected and were completely orchestrating from above this meeting of their mothers.
A few days after setting up the meeting with Iris, it dawned on me. Saturday was the 20TH. The 20TH is very signficant for Liz and me. THINGS HAPPEN ON THE 20TH ALOT! And, this was no ordinary 20th … this was October 20th … the 4 year anniversary of Liz’s setting off of the smoke alarm in our home. It was the one month anniversary of her passing … Roger, Anna and I were all home that night … but I was the only one who heard the alarm and realized it was a sign from her just for me.
AND, another “interesting” fact is that Amy’s birthday is September 24TH … the 20th plus 4th anniversary = 24! (numbers and their significance is another subject that has become a fascination for me in the past 4 years!)
As I met with Iris yesterday and we each talked about our daughters, it was so obvious that they would be friends. They were similar in so many ways … they each enjoy physical activities such as skiing and all types of sports. They love France and the French language … they both have many friends and talk a mile a minute 99% of the time.
Iris is trying to come to terms with what has happened and to embrace the knowledge that Amy is indeed alive and living a marvelous new life … but it isn’t easy and it is a journey that takes time and some help along the way.
I trust that our time together yesterday is part of that help as she continues on this path of discovery, acceptance, peace … and, I hope, at some point …a return to JOY.
For me, it was, once again, another validation that God is always in control … and he cares about all of us more than we can ever imagine … and he plays an active, vital role in our every day lives, if we choose to let him … and sometimes even if we don’t!
Make your day great!
What dreams may come …
24 SepLiz came to visit last night … in a dream … and I hadn’t even made it to bed yet … I had fallen asleep in front of the TV!
In my dream I was in the exact spot in the family room I really was at … on the couch … Anna was also there sitting on the floor. In walked Liz looking very svelt in a pale blue pants and blazer with a white top underneath — very sheek and grown up! Her hair was shorter than usual and she was wearing black framed glasses.
She walked over and started to give Anna all kinds of advice. I don’t consciously remember anything she said — I was too busy just looking at her. It felt so natural that she was there … the significance of what was happening hadn’t hit me yet. She finished talking and walked around the corner and disappeared just as if she were walking up our basement stairs.
It wasn’t until she was gone that it hit me … oh my goodness, that’s right … she’s dead … this IS a big deal!!
Then I began to wonder if Anna saw her as I did and I started to quiz Anna on what Liz was wearing. Anna refused to tell me and she kept saying, what difference does it make? It didn’t make any difference, I just wanted her to tell me that she saw the same thing I did. But she wouldn’t tell me … which was extremely frustrating … the dream ended and I woke up.
The last time Liz showed up in a dream was October, 2005, and there are some interesting similarities whenever she chooses to present herself in this way.
We are always in some room in our home. She is always wearing glasses (and they are usually quite wierd) … I was always puzzled by the glasses because she didn’t wear glasses when she was here. I’ve since been told the glasses mean that she now sees things in a new way. That makes sense to me.
And, up until last night, her and I were the only ones in the dreams. Adding Anna to the picture is a new development.
It certainly was a very nice surprise. And, I didn’t even have to ask.
I’m now trying to take it all in and figure out if there was more she was trying to tell me other than: Hello!~ I’m fine and I’m continuing to learn and grow, check in … and continue to be Anna’s big sister.
Yup … Life is good!
Weekend in Wisconsin
23 SepRoger and I headed east yesterday morning. It was a beautiful day for a drive. We were heading to Racine, Wisconsin to the home of Rich & Darlene Heiden, the parents of Brian, who died along with Liz and Amanda Spekien.
It has become a ritual around the 20th of September … we all gather — parents, siblings, college roommates and friends — to remember and laugh — the stories flow freely and they make us all smile and remember our kids.
Two years ago everyone came to our home, last year we were in Vadnais Heights at the Spekiens; and this year we all made the trip to Racine.
I’m so proud of Liz’s roommates. They also lost so much that day. Not only did they lose their friends who had become their family, but they also lost their home and the majority of their belongings.
They have each persevered. Fik is in med school in Washington DC, Monique and Bri graduated in May and are working … contemplating grad school next year. And Afton will graduate in May. They are doing what Liz, Brian and Amanda would want them to do … go out and live a good life … to the fullest. That is the best way we can all honor them.
We made a trip to the cemetery to see Brian’s stone. I’m still amazed when I see each stone. As parents, we never discussed the headstones for our children. But one by one as we made the visit each September 20th … we were astounded to see how strikingly similar they all are.
Each are black granite … Liz and Amanda’s stones are the same shape (a tear drop) and we each have a picture of our child etched into the stone. Each are beautiful and wonderful tributes for three lives cut short.
The sadness has lifted … I feel free to go out and live my life with JOY … always remembering and always loving.
Time is an Illusion
20 SepSeptember 20th has arrived. 4 years ago today Liz left this world for the next. It is still hard to believe. It feels like yesterday and 100 years ago all at once. My friend Kathryn says that time is an illusion … that concept rings so true for me today.
I had grand plans that this year I would carry on as if it were a regular day. I would go to work and it would be just fine. After all, I had done that on her birthday just last week and it had been a good day.
About Tuesday, however, my spirit and my body started to tell me otherwise; and thankfully, I listened. Today is not just another day, and it never will be. It is a day fraught with huge emotion and that will never change.
I needed to be where I felt most comforted and that for me is home. I love my house. It is my haven. It is a place where I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. I can schlep around in my PJ’s until Noon if I want to. I can be quiet and present with my thoughts and emotions. And some part of my daughter is always present here.
If I’ve learned anything these past 4 years it is that you have to acknowledge your feelings. So I acknowledge my pain today. I honor it and I call it by name. If I do this, I know it will leave me.
If I had continued on with the charade that today is just another day I would have denied my truth and the pain would have stayed within me … only to come back on another day.
So today I claim my pain and all of my emotions and I remember the sadness and the huge loss. To do otherwise would be a vast dis-service to my daughter.
In the end, pain DOES give way to JOY and LAUGHTER.
The Universe has it all under control
26 JulI continue to be amazed by the way the Universe uses me to help others. The circumstances are always way too intricate to be coincidental … and I really don’t believe in coincidences any more … mostly they are extraordinary occurences … and I love them soooo much!
My co-worker Karla came to my desk this week and proceeded to tell me once again about the spirit that continues to follow her and her fiance, Jonathan, from home to home. She was a bit un-nerved by it all and asked what she should do?
Ask him who he is and how you can help him, I replied; but after talking for a while longer, I gave her Kathryn Harwig’s email and suggested Kathryn could probably be more helpful than I could.
I decided to send my own email to Kathryn to let her know that she may be hearing from Karla, and could she please do me a favor by lending her wisdom to the situation. I gave the whole scenario to Kathryn and today she responded.
I forwarded Kathryn’s response on to Karla … and she yelled over to me, “Thanks Kim!” A few minutes later I walked over to see if it made sense. Karla had tears running down her cheeks and she told me it made complete sense and it was amazing.
Once again, Kathryn provided the exact information that Karla needed … even though they have never met — not even via email. And, I was the lucky conduit who brought the two together … oh, how I love when that happens.
What does this have to do with the Universe, you may be thinking … well, here it is. Karla and I work together, but we don’t know each other well … and I’m old enough to be her mother. We just happened to be paired up last May to attend a seminar. The seminar could have been in just about any city in the US, but it ended up being in Newport Beach, California. Julie Aydlott, the author of the book my story is in, just happens to live in San Diego just 2 hours from Newport Beach. I “knew” I wasn’t going to California for the seminar (even though technically that was why) but my true purpose was for Julie and I to meet.
However, I also knew I had to share my story of these past 3+ years with Karla … it wasn’t fair to drag her along to my dinner with Julie without knowing it all. So, I very hesitantly shared it with her … as it turned out, she was not only very receptive, but she also had some pretty amazing stories herself.
Coincidence? … I don’t think so … so that brings us back to today … what are the chances that Karla and I would have ever shared our stories of “extra-ordinary” occurences if we had not been paired for that seminar … not very good. But, the Universe knows just what to do to pull it all together and make it happen.
What’s gonna happen next week? I don’t know, but I sure can’t wait to find out!
Life is a joyous adventure!
PS … I need to keep reminding myself how absolutely un-nerving it is the first time you contact a psychic … after thanking me profusely, Karla told me she just hadn’t been able to get up the courage to email Kathryn yet … daa, hit me over the head … how quickly I forget … it is difficult at first … but it is always amazing and worth the risk, and taking that chance … it’s given me a whole new perspective and a whole new, amazing wonderful life!
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I’m Owning Pink
Kim
LOVE LIVES ON 