Time is an Illusion

20 Sep

September 20th has arrived.  4 years ago today Liz left this world for the next.  It is still hard to believe.  It feels like yesterday and 100 years ago all at once.  My friend Kathryn says that time is an illusion … that concept rings so true for me today.

I had grand plans that this year I would carry on as if it were a regular day.  I would go to work and it would be just fine.  After all, I had done that on her birthday just last week and it had been a good day.

About Tuesday, however, my spirit and my body started to tell me otherwise; and thankfully, I listened.  Today is not just another day, and it never will be.   It is a day fraught with huge emotion and that will never change.

I needed to be where I felt most comforted and that for me is home.  I love my house.  It is my haven.  It is a place where I can do whatever I want, whenever I want.  I can schlep around in my PJ’s until Noon if I want to.  I can be quiet and present with my thoughts and emotions.  And some part of my daughter is always present here.

If I’ve learned anything these past 4 years it is that you have to acknowledge your feelings.  So I acknowledge my pain today.  I honor it and I call it by name.  If I do this, I know it will leave me.

If I had continued on with the charade that today is just another day I would have denied my truth and the pain would have stayed within me … only to come back on another day.

So today I claim my pain and all of my emotions and I remember the sadness and the huge loss.  To do otherwise would be a vast dis-service to my daughter.

In the end, pain DOES  give way to JOY and LAUGHTER.

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One Response to “Time is an Illusion”

  1. Suzanne September 26, 2007 at 10:27 am #

    Kim this is a very powerful experience you describe. It takes a lot of courage to hold this kind of torch and you do it so compassionately… compassion for oneself that is. You’re a great example for everyone.

    I couldn’t agree more that indeed the pain does give way to the joy. It’s such an ironic doorway, but I have experienced this myself many times as well. Keep journeying my friend 🙂

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