Tag Archives: daughters


9 Sep

The number eight has been rolling around in my brain for the past few days.  I assumed it was because we will soon be marking the eighth anniversary of my daughter’s death.

However, it dawned on me yesterday that there was more to it than that.  I realized that September 12th would have been her 28th birthday and eight days after her birthday is the 20th – the day she died – eight years ago.

As all of those realities sank in, I began to see the number eight in my mind’s eye.  And I began to pay attention.

Notice that once you put your pen on paper you can make an eight in one fluid motion and you have two circles that intersect one on top of the other.  This is a metaphor for the relationship that Liz and I continue to share.

Our lives will always intersect.  She will always play a part in my life and I will always play a part in hers.  Each circle represents one of us.  The top circle represents Liz because she is now on a higher plain than I am.  Her energy vibrates at a much higher level than mine does.  She has moved on to a higher plain of existence or heaven, so she is the top circle – I continue my work here on earth so I represent the bottom circle – we are in different worlds – but yet still solidly connected.

Look again at the eight — it is like a path that can be followed.  You may start out at the top and work your way down (to earth) and then continue to go back up — Liz did that.  Or you can start at the top and continue down and follow the same road as long as you need to and then you switch lanes and move up — but whatever your path you always remain connected.

Whenever September rolls around I try to make sense of things — but most of the time there is no sense to be made — it just is.  Choices were made and consequences followed — for both of us.  But what gives me comfort and solace today is the gentle nudge that I believe Liz is giving me to remember that just like the number eight our lives will always be intersecting with each other.  And one day, when my job here is complete I will move to that top circle and we will truly be together – two balls of love-filled energy.

That knowing makes me smile and it is what will make the days of September just a little bit easier to bear.

Thank you Liz — once again — you never cease to amaze me!



PS – I just realized – today is the 9th – I should have paid more attention and made this post yesterday! Oh well.


Father’s Day Reflections

20 Jun

  June 20, 2010

Father’s Day Reflections

Today is a day to honor our fathers. But I don’t need a special day to honor my Dad. In my world, every day is Father’s Day.

Learning values

When I was growing up, my Dad worked his tail off to support my Mom and his  four kids. If I ever needed a definition of hard work, all I had to do was watch my Dad.

The most important thing in my Dad’s life has always been his family. I like to think he instilled that in me as well.


I’ve always had a good relationship with my Dad. We are very much alike, and I’ve always felt like we were kindred souls. When I got married and had my two daughters, I was fortunate enough to live only a block away from my parents. It was – and continues to be – a blessing to have them so close. I’ve enjoyed watching my Dad, over the fifteen years since his retirement, enjoy the life and fruits of his labor. He taught himself to play golf, which he does at least two or three times per week. My siblings and I get him a golf pass every year for Christmas.

At least three or four times a week, Dad stops over. He doesn’t stay long – just time enough to say “hi,” pass on any news he has, and see if I have any. After giving our dog, Murphy, a quick pat and sharing a quick smoke with my husband, he is off again. I love this little ritual so much!


Just a couple weeks ago my parents joined my husband and me on a fishing trip to northern Minnesota. We are all avid fisher people and we spent four days together on a houseboat. The weather wasn’t the best and the fish were not very hungry, but in a year or two, we won’t remember those details. The most important thing was the time we spent together. We will always have the priceless time spent together.

Time versus stuff

Do I give my Dad a Father’s Day present? You bet I do. The common conundrum on Father’s Day is often what to give someone who doesn’t need any more “things?” I address this by giving not things, but time. Dad and I go golfing together and share a meal together. And at the end of the day we will hug and tell each other how much we love each other, even though that doesn’t need to be said in words … each of us knows how much love there is between us.

I am well aware of how blessed I am to have such a wonderful relationship. There are many, many fathers and daughters who will never be as close as we are. But even if you’re not as close as I am to my dad – even if you  haven’t seen or spoken to him in a very long time – it is never too late to pick up the phone or send a card. Don’t pass up your opportunity to reach out and let those you love know it.

Happy Fathers Day, Dad!

Blessings & Love,


Another Opportunity to Share My Story

27 Oct

I had the opportunity yesterday to be a guest on Achieve Radio with Nancy Wallace.

The show has been archived and it can be accessed at

http://www.achieveradio.com/archplayer.php?showname=The M

Enjoy your day!


The Countdown Begins

7 Jun

Well, it’s begun … in my mind anyway … one week from tomorrow I will put my daughter on a plane without knowing when I will see her next … it could be three months … it could be nine months or even a year.

But, I need to keep reminding myself that this is her dream … she is living her dream … how many people can say that … or have the courage to live it?

My angst about her leaving is not about her not being able to get along without me … rather it’s all about me not being able to get along without her. Oh yes, I will function, I will do the day to day chores and activities that I’ve always done … but her physical presence will be missing from my life … I keep thinking – I’ve already lost the physical presence of one of my daughters …. it’s hard to fathom the thought of living without the presence of this daughter … but I have to … and I will.

I need to keep reminding myself that we all choose how we will react to the situations that arise in our lives. So, I will do my best to think positive thoughts, and keep remembering that in my case, “No news is good news.” Anna is embarking on an opportunity of a lifetime and I am SO proud of her. I know she will do her part to make our world a better place.

In the long run, I know I would feel worse if I made a scene and cried and carried on and begged her not to go.

I found this poem yesterday by Kahlil Gibran that rings true for me right now:

by Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts, 

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, 
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, 
but seek not to make them like you.

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, 
and He bends you with His might 
that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let our bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies, 
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Photo Shoot

13 May

I’m sure it’s no accident that some of the events happening in my life right now are happening before Anna leaves for Thailand.

She leaves on June 15th … only a little over a month away, and I already miss her!

Last week I found out that my story of Liz’s Letter is going to be included in the September issue of Angels on Earth magazine.

Today I got an email requesting a photo of Liz (no problem) as well as a current photo of me (problem).

Luckily Anna finished work early and as I picked her up I told her I needed her to take a picture of me. Oh, yes and by the way could you do my make-up?

Being the great daughter that she is, she agreed and we worked for about 45 minutes pulling it together.

We came up with the photo on the right side of my blog. It’s me.

Anna not only took the picture, but she downloaded it and sent it to me so I could send it to the photo editor.

I never could have done it without her help … but now I have them and can use them again if the opportunity arises.

I don’t know how long I’ll be able to hold out before I flee the country for Thailand …