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Hello From Florida

15 Feb

We have officially been in Florida for 24 hours and we are having a wonderful time.  I guess I have to admit that I must have a strong affinity (as opposed to an addiction) for always having access to a computer … and the internet!  For only $15 we can have internet access for the entire week … that was just too good not to take advantage of.View of the Sunset

Whenever we go on vacation I always wonder whether Liz will check in.  If she doesn’t … it’s really fine … but she almost always does. This trip was no exception … remember it’s only been one day!   Roger and I decided to eat supper at this cute restaurant right on the beach.  It was cheap, the food was good, and the atmosphere was festive … even if we were the youngest people there.

At this outdoor restaurant you go up to a window and place your order.  When it’s  ready the waiter comes out, yells your name, and brings the food to your table.  As we were placing our order at the window a waiter came out and yelled LIZ … LIZ ….LIZ … LIZ …. he continued to yell out LIZ as we went to our table.  Where the heck was this Liz?  We sat down and the waiter was still yelling LIZ!  Suddenly at the table directly behind us …. a woman sheepishly yelled out here I am!

By this time I knew what was going on and I was laughing out loud!  I looked at Roger and said, “You get this right?”  He looked at me and said, yah, some lady named Liz just got her food.  No, no, no, well yes technically that is what happened …. but don’t you get it?  That is your daughter making her presence known.  He looked at me, smiled, and nodded in agreement.

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The End of an Era

7 Feb

Yesterday was my last day at SPX.  After 34 years and ten months,, it ended just as I had always hoped that it would – in joy, and on my terms.

I can’t say enough good things about SPX.  It has played an enormous role in my life.  It brought me my husband, a wonderful life that afforded me the opportunity to have and raise my daughters, buy a home, and travel on occasion.  SPX was there for me in the good times like my wedding and the birth of my children, but they were also there during the most painful time of my life, the death of my daughter Liz.  And they did more than just send flowers and sympathies.

SPX gave Roger and I as much time off (with pay) as we needed.  But they also went above and beyond … they paid for the food after the funeral.  It was totally unexpected and something we will never forget and will always be grateful for. 

We felt the love and support of the entire company as we dealt with this most painful of events.  And it didn’t stop a month or two after the funeral. 

It’s always oh so easy to sit back and criticize the company and/or the people that you work for.  I’ve done it many times over the years.  But when you look at the big picture, I think we  have a tendency to sell our employers short … or always look at the negative instead of all the positive opportunities they present to us as employees.

So … THANKS SPX …. you gave a shy, quiet 19 year old kid a job and it became a wonderful life.   I could not have asked for anything more.

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Opposites Do Attract

29 Dec

December 29, 1979 … 29 years ago today Roger and I were married.  I remember the day … I was so worried that the weather would keep friends and family from sharing the day with us.  But my worries were for naught.  It was a beautiful day … the sun was out for a time and the trees were frosted in snow.

I really can’t imagine what life would have been like had I not met Roger Wencl.  Our courtship was rocky at best and there was a time when we went our separate ways.  But in the end, love won out and here we are. 

That old saying that opposites attract is very true for us.  We are very different people, and there have been those  who wondered if we were indeed still married because we very much go our separate ways at times.  But at the end of the day, we both know where we belong.

The things I love about Roger Wencl:

1. Roger can talk to anyone about anything at anytime. 

This is a quality that I very much admire.  I just can’t do that … but I must admit I am getting better at it.  It does have it’s downside, but we won’t go into that today!

2.  Roger’s work ethic is like no other. 

He works so hard with so little downtime … just a quick 10 minute snooze and he’s ready to go again.  

3.  He cares about people.

Roger spends countless hours volunteering at the Salvation Army.  In addition, he is a Big Brother to Omar. 

4.  He can do just about anything – from fixing a car to taking a coffee pot a part … and then putting it back together again  … he’s unbelievable … and most of it is all self-taught.

5.  He is a complete trivia buff and can give you countless amounts of  useless information on a moments notice.

6.  He always sees the best in people … no matter what they’ve done in the past.

7.  He is thoughtful.

8.  He is Mr. Neighborhood.

These are just a few of the endearing qualities that I have been lucky enough to enjoy over the past 30 years.

Oh we’ve had our moments … but in the end,  our love and relationship, our family, and our time together are stronger than they’ve ever been.

Happy Anniversary Honey!  Here’s to 29 more years together!

Love always,   Kim

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God is Good!

18 Dec

Some really fun things have happened this week for Liz and me! 

First of all, our Christmas card.  I was so happy that even though Liz’s physical presence has been gone for over 5 yrs now, ways still arise for her to be a part of our Christmas card.

This year’s picture was taken on 9-20-08 at the tree planted in Liz-Brian-Amanda’s memory at Van Cleve Park.  When I was at the store ordering the pictures I hurredly picked out the picture and type and writing that would accompany it.

It wasn’t until some days later that the significance of what I had chosen hit me.

There is a single angel and the words, Christmas Blessings from The Wencl’s.  I always intentionally put from The Wencl’s because then it always includes Liz (at least in my mind).  And the single angel is representative of her new life as well as her continued presence in ours.  It doesn’t get any better than that in my world.

On Tuesday the premiere edition of MIDWEST CAREGIVE came out.  It featured my story THE LETTER.  And one entire page has Liz’s smiling persona on it.  I have wanted to get that story printed since the day I wrote it and now it’s happened.

It is our hope that Liz and my story will bring comfort to those who have suffered loss … with God’s help anything is possible!

Remembering …

21 Nov

I’m remembering some significant things right now.  Five years ago yesterday I waited with anticipation for a sign from Liz that I was so sure I would get … but didn’t.  My perception that she would give me a sign on the 20th of each month had to be abandoned …  Damn.   Friday, Nov. 21st, was just a regular day.  I did what I always do … including falling asleep on our family room couch.  Only I woke up … the TV was on channel 5 … but for some reason I grabbed the remote and changed the channel to WCCO.  It was all done very mechanically and without any thought.

After Liz died I vowed that I would never again watch Channel 4 news.  They were the only station that came to our doorstep the night Liz died, rang our doorbell, and asked to speak to us.  Are you kidding me?  Our daughter died today – what on earth do you expect us to say?

When my remote clicked 4 and the screen changed, I saw a cemetery scene, and the camera zoomed in on a gravesite.  There was a windchime at that gravesite that was identifical to the windchime we had at Liz’s grave.  It got my attention, and I wondered what the story would be.  I knew I had to watch it.

The story was about a woman who lived in Minneapolis and she could communicate with people who had died.  I just couldn’t believe it.  They showed her in a room with 3 other people, and she went to each one and gave them very specific information about their loved one.

I woke up the next morning wondering whether it had all been a dream.  I didn’t even know this woman’s name.  I went to my computer and brought up the WCCO website and searched for some evidence of that story the night before … but I found absolutely nothing.  The only thing I found was the email address of the reporter who had done the story.  I decided to send her an email.  I told her who I was, and that my daughter had been one of the U of M students who had died in that house fire a couple of months ago.  I had seen her story last night about the woman who speaks to the dead.  Did she know if this woman did this for regular people … and if so, how could I contact her?

I sent off the email and to my surprise I received a reply just a couple hours later.  Her name is Kathryn Harwig, Randi told me, and I’m sure she would see you.  Randi gave me Kathryn’s personal email address and told me to tell Kathryn she had sent me.  As it turned out, Randi had gone to Kathryn to speak to her father who had passed from suicide the previous year.  It was amazing she said, and it had helped her tremendously … and she was a different person because of it.

It took me a couple of days to get up the courage to email Kathryn … but I did … I was careful not to give her much information.  All I said was that I had lost someone close to me … did she do readings for people?  Kathryn responded very quickly as well, and the first thing she said to me was how sorry she was for my loss.  Yes, she did readings for people and her website would give me all of the pertinent details.

Immediately I went to that website.  The first thing that came up was her  biography.  I read it and just about fell off my chair.  Kathryn’s college majors had been psychology and sociology … the same as Liz’s.  Kathryn had also attended the U of M to get her masters in criminal justice, and she worked for many years supervising dangerous criminals.  Liz’s career goal was to become a criminal psychologist and work with dangerous criminals!

I was stunned … the similarities between Liz and Kathryn were overwhelming in my mind and I took it as a HUGE sign that Liz was in on this and she would come through for me.  Why Kathryn even drove a Saturn!  I laughed uncontrollably when I read that.  We had a Saturn for nine years.  It was to become Liz’s car … until she had an accident and totalled it out. 

This event was the beginning of a marvelous new life for me and new way of thinking and perceiving the world that has been nothing but JOYOUS! 

Sadly, November 22, 2003 also reminds me of loss.  JFK was assassinated 40 years ago.  And, I remember so vividly hearing the first news reports of a college aged girl named Dru who was missing and feared abducted.  Having lost my own college age daughter two months earlier, the story resonated in my soul.  However, we were lucky … we knew where Liz was.  The Sjodin’s were in a hellish limbo until the following April when Dru’s body was found.

Linda Walker, Dru’s mom, has done her best to be sure her daughter did not die in vain.  Check out her website:  http://drusvoice.com

Linda is proof that through terrible tragedy, loss, and excruciating pain … we can still make a difference in our world.  I’m remembering Linda, her family and most of all Dru and wishing them peace.

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A Nurse Named Liz

14 Nov

I spent some time in Rochester this week.  My sister was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer.  On Wednesday she had a very successful surgery, and she is now recovering just a block away from me at our parents home.

When situations like a serious illness arise, it is always stressful.  But there are also great opportunities for learning and growth … for everyone.  I have every confidence that this is a learning experience for my sister and for our entire family.  And, it brings us together as a family even closer than we already are.

My sister (at least to my knowledge) has never felt like she ever gets any signs from her oldest niece – my daughter Liz.  I’m always sad about that and I keep asking Liz to do something and hoping that one day it will happen.

Last week I said, “OK Liz, if there ever was a time when you needed to connect with Auntie, this is it.”  Of course, anyone who knows Liz, knows that you can ask, plead, and beg and she still might not do it.  (some things just never change.) 

Wednesday was a long day of waiting.  I had forgotten about Liz and was just trying to keep myself occupied with the magazines and books I had brought along to pass the time.  Rochester is such a fantastic medical facility.  They take care of everyone in such great ways.  We had continuous contact with a nurse who kept us informed of how the surgery was progressing.  And, we hadn’t even gotten into the pre-op room yet, and we had a chaplain there to offer a prayer for my sister and our family. 

About 3 pm another nurse came in to tell us she would be taking us up to Sue’s room.  She was in recovery and would be back soon.

She said, “Hello, Baldwin family!  My name is Liz and I’ll be taking you up to the 6th floor.”  I just broke out laughing!  Everyone looked at me with confused expressions … what on earth is funny?  I said, “Really, your name is Liz?”  And I tried hard to end my laughing.  By this time Liz the nurse probably thought I had cracked under the stress.  I finally got it out that my daughter’s name was Liz.  Oh, she said nodding, still thinking I must be a few marbles short.

But you see, it was no coincidence that Liz the nurse was involved in our activities that day.  That was my Liz’s way of letting me know she was present!  Of course, there are those who will say, oh no it was simply a coincidence … and of course, they have every right to believe that if they choose.

But think about this —  if you were very present with your family, only they couldn’t see or hear you, how would you let them know you were there? (without scaring them).   Through other people  … and then you hope like heck somebody picks up on it and figures it out.

I’ve been fortunate these past 5 years because those signs always seem to me to be as obvious as the nose on my face. 

I don’t know if anything else happened while we were in Rochester, but Liz did make her presence known … and that’s a wonderful thing.

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Once again …. it’s a good thing!

20 Oct

Once again Liz’s smiling persona is out there for people to see … it brings me such JOY!

Check out this blog link:  http://bolstablog.wordpress.com

 

And make note, today is the 20th of the month!

Wink – wink – nod – nod – shout out to Mom from Liz!

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Oh, What a Month!

14 Oct

I think I’m on a roll … a very good roll.  I’ve had the sense for a while now that I needed to share my story with people.  Early on, I had no idea how that would happen or be possible.  But, I set my intention  and asked God to lead the way.  He has.

Within the last month I’ve done a TV story on Liz and fire safety – spoke at a picnic for U of M students, done a one-hour radio interview, put on a workshop presentation at a women’s spirituality conference, and yesterday I did a photo shoot for a story about Liz’s Letter that will be in Midwest Caregiver magazine.

I’m amazed at just how many opportunities have opened up for me … and I love it!

Yesterday we did the photo shoot at my house in my living room.  It didn’t take long before I knew that Liz was along for the ride.  The photographer asked if I had the folder that Liz’s letter had originally been in when her French teacher found it.  I always use that folder to keep my notes in when I speak — so it was laying on my dining room table … I hadn’t put it away since Saturday. 

Then he asked if we could light the large candle I had sitting on my coffee table.  Of course I said.  And, I thought … but where am I going to find matches?  I had no idea but started to look through one of my kitchen drawers.  I had almost given up when I came upon a box of matches from Green Mill.  I had to smile.  Liz worked at Green Mill.  Just that simple little event made me aware of her presence.

I think she’s getting a kick out of watching her Mom these days!  I’m sure there’s alot of other things she’s doing, but knowing she still finds my life interesting and worth checking in on once in while makes it all worthwhile!

Thanks Liz!

But the best part of the past month isn’t any of the above.  The best part is that I have finally had the opportunity to share my journey with my parents.  It was something I have struggled with for a while.  How do you even begin to do that?  I didn’t know.  But I knew it would happen when it was suppose to and that God was in control.  He rolled it out very nicely and it has been a very positive and affirming experience.

I don’t know what the future holds — but I do know who holds the future!

Make your day great!

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Women & Spirituality Conference

10 Oct

Tomorrow I will be one of many workshop speakers at the Women & Spirituality Conference at Minnesota State University in Mankato.

It’s another step down the path of the journey of my life these past five years.  I’m calling my talk:  From Tragedy to Transformation – A Mother’s Story.    I’m amazingly calm and looking forward to it.  I’m going by myself.  I wanted to … not sure why but I did and that’s the way it worked out.

When I spoke in April, 2007, I played a part in bringing an estranged sister back to her family.  I can’t wait to see what the Universe has in the works for tomorrow!

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Never Say Never

9 Oct

I did something today that I said I would never do – have a colonoscopy!  It wasn’t bad at all!  Yah, it was a pain yesterday to only be able to drink liquids and eat green jello … and then there was the prep stuff you have to drink … but truly — it was nothing. 

This morning I was tired and cranky, but they give out great drugs these days.  After I was wheeled into the procedure room I remember getting an oxygen mask on my face and the next thing I knew I was waking up and it was over.  The affects of the anesthetic were minimal and I was walking out the door an hour later and home to some chicken noodle soup and an afternoon of off and on snoozing and relaxing. 

Anna’s friend Kari Croft is visiting from South Carolina and we are all going out to dinner tonight.  Pasta sounds pretty good right now!

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