Too Late to Matter

18 Feb

The advent of social media sites like Facebook and My Space make it  easier to re-connect with people you have lost touch with over the years.

I had a college roommate that I had lost touch with and I longed to re-connect with her.  I had tried a few times over the years  to locate her, but I had no success.  She had married her high school sweetheart and he was a doctor.  So when I searched, I never searched for Margo directly but instead I always searched for her husband.

I finally found her about two months ago, but nothing was as I thought it would be.

Turns out Margo had been living only a couple hours away from me in Wisconsin.  She had been working as a teacher in a school.  She was loved by all who knew her.  That didn’t surprise me at all.

But I was too late to connect with Margo.  She passed away in June, 2010 from a very aggressive form of breast cancer.  It was very shocking to learn that my long-ago friend had died.  It was something I was not prepared to learn.

I located her Caring Bridge site which gave me a good glimpse into her outlook on life, her family, her faith  and her valiant battle with the dreaded C.

As I read her entries from beginning to end I learned that Margo’s life was not the fairy tale I had assumed it to be.  I was astounded to learn that she and her husband had divorced.  She talked about the anger she felt when her marriage ended.  Eventually though, acceptance came and Jeff and his partner Dave became a part of her extended family. 

Margo had four children.  Three boys and one girl.  Her daughter is now a doctor.  The pride and admiration Margo showed was heartwarming to see.  The slide show of pictures showed smiles and hugs at her daughter’s graduation from med school, even though Margo was in the midst of her cancer battle.

She had many good friends, and they lovingly supported her until the very end.  I wish I could been one of those friends too.  Had I known she was so close I would have been there in a heart beat.  But I was too late and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

As I have pondered all of this for the past couple of months I  keep wondering why I hadn’t thought seriously about trying to locate her sooner.  Why did I waste so much time trying to find her through her husband?

I will never know the answer to those questions.  But I can’t help but think that maybe there is a reason we didn’t connect.  At this point in time, I have absolutely no idea why that is, but perhaps at some point it will be revealed to me.

So if you have a friend you haven’t connected with in a very long time, find them, search them out.  It’s too late for Margo and me, but I hope it’s not too late for you.

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3 Responses to “Too Late to Matter”

  1. Alicia Burke February 26, 2011 at 1:24 pm #

    Kim, I am sorry that you did not get the opportunity to connect with your friend before she passed. I’m sure she is aware of the prayers you are saying for her and she is praying for you too. Recently, I made efforts to connect with old friends. Some of them I was able to reach and others did not respond to my inquiries. I enjoyed the catch up and accepted the current unavailability of others. Now, I am working up the courage to connect with some of my son’s friends. They have stayed away from me since his death and it is now time to see if I can help with their grief. Twenty years old is too young to loose a friend and it has crushed them. I’d like to see my son through their eyes and hope they are ready to let me! Alicia

    • Kim February 26, 2011 at 1:42 pm #

      Hi Alicia,

      Connecting with your son’s friends is a great idea. We have been so blessed to still be in close touch with Liz’s friends. It is healing for us to see and talk to them and it is healing for them to be around us as well.

  2. Mary Griffin March 2, 2011 at 12:44 pm #

    Kim, I too have had this experience of writing a friend only to find she had passed away just 7 months prior of leukemia at 50. I was blown away for weeks. Also, another friend who passed away at 50 who hadn’t returned my email a few months earlier.

    I wondered if it was meant to be that way also???????

    My take on it is to really try to connect with old friends or stay connected–as much as it is what it is if that makes any sense at all. But also, know that they are with you now otherwise you wouldn’t have experienced the divine intervention.

    Glad I found such a warm, engaging person and site.

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