Dearest Elizabeth,

20 Sep

As I write this letter to you today, I cannot help but reflect back to sixteen years ago.  It was  sunny and beautiful, with the hints of Fall beginning to make their appearance.  I cannot help but be overwhelmed with a surge of so many different emotions.  I could write on and on about how I wish things could have been different, or how one learns to live in joy again when someone you love so deeply leaves you so quickly.  But these are all topics for another day.

Today, my heart and soul are overwhelmingly and unequivocally filled with LOVE and GRATITUDE for YOU. Your physical presence has been absent for 16 years now, and we all miss that so much.  As I heard from so many people, you always knew how to have fun Liz — even when there seemed to be no fun to be had.

I will always remember our last Thanksgiving — after a wonderful meal we played a game — it was charades of sorts.  You chose the word thimble and your task was to get us to say it.  Only problem, you had no idea what a thimble was used for — so you described it as only you could — as a “finger condom” — much to my chagrin and embarrassment as your grandmother and great aunt sat nearby!  There isn’t a Thanksgiving that goes by that we don’t talk about you and remember and laugh about your “finger condom.”

I will be forever grateful to my family, my friends, and all of your friends, Liz.  They all continue to boldly speak your name at every opportunity and we all remember and smile and sometimes we just laugh.  Your friends have gone on to live wonderful, productive lives.  They are husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, teachers, business people, psychologists, doctors, nurses, interpreters, and many other things.  And it is good, it is all so good!

You taught us all so many things through your death.  You taught me most of all that love never dies, even if people do.  There are no words to adequately thank you for reaching out so quickly in those first days, weeks and months, to let me know — to let us all know — that you were fine — you were living a wonderful, new marvelous life — and you continue to make your presence known — even today — and I am SO GRATEFUL.

Roger, Anna and I REALIZE that because of YOU, we are better people — and it is so true Liz.  You opened up new possibilities in each of our lives that were completely foreign and even scary to us, and you walked with each of us every step of the way.  Because of YOU we each do what we can to make this world a better place — and WE ARE GRATEFUL because of YOU.

We continue to be a family of four, we continue to live in love each and every day because of YOU.

So on this day, I say THANK YOU Liz.  YOU have made a difference — in our lives and in the lives of many others.

Well done, good and faithful servant — until we meet again.

Love Always,

Mom


2 Timothy 4:7:  “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

Dearest Elizabeth,

20 Sep

As I write this letter to you today, I cannot help but reflect back to fifteen years ago.  It was  sunny and beautiful, with the hints of Fall beginning to make their appearance.  I cannot help but be overwhelmed with a surge of so many different emotions.  I could write on and on about how I wish things could have been different, or how one learns to live in joy again when someone you love so deeply leaves you so quickly.  But these are all topics for another day.

Today, my heart and soul are overwhelmingly and unequivocally filled with LOVE and GRATITUDE for YOU. Your physical presence has been absent for 15 years now, and we all miss that so much.  As I heard from so many people, you always knew how to have fun Liz — even when there seemed to be no fun to be had.

I will always remember our last Thanksgiving — after a wonderful meal we played a game — it was charades of sorts.  You chose the word thimble and your task was to get us to say it.  Only problem, you had no idea what a thimble was used for — so you described it as only you could — as a “finger condom” — much to my chagrin and embarrassment as your grandmother and great aunt sat nearby!  There isn’t a Thanksgiving that goes by that we don’t talk about you and remember and laugh about your “finger condom.”

I will be forever grateful to my family, my friends, and all of your friends, Liz.  They all continue to boldly speak your name at every opportunity and we all remember and smile and sometimes we just laugh.  Your friends have gone on to live wonderful, productive lives.  They are husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, teachers, business people, psychologists, doctors, nurses, interpreters, and many other things.  And it is good, it is all so good!

You taught us all so many things through your death.  You taught me most of all that love never dies, even if people do.  There are no words to adequately thank you for reaching out so quickly in those first days, weeks and months, to let me know — to let us all know — that you were fine — you were living a wonderful, new marvelous life — and you continue to make your presence known — even today — and I am SO GRATEFUL.

Roger, Anna and I REALIZE that because of YOU, we are better people — and it is so true Liz.  You opened up new possibilities in each of our lives that were completely foreign and even scary to us, and you walked with each of us every step of the way.  Because of YOU we each do what we can to make this world a better place — and WE ARE GRATEFUL because of YOU.

We continue to be a family of four, we continue to live in love each and every day because of YOU.

So on this day, I say THANK YOU Liz.  YOU have made a difference — in our lives and in the lives of many others.

Well done, good and faithful servant — until we meet again.

Love Always,

Mom


2 Timothy 4:7:  “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

Dearest Elizabeth

20 Sep

As I write this letter to you today, I cannot help but reflect back to fifteen years ago.  It was  sunny and beautiful, with the hints of Fall beginning to make their appearance.  I cannot help but be overwhelmed with a surge of so many different emotions.  I could write on and on about how I wish things could have been different, or how one learns to live in joy again when someone you love so deeply leaves you so quickly.  But these are all topics for another day.

Today, my heart and soul are overwhelmingly and unequivocally filled with LOVE and GRATITUDE for YOU. Your physical presence has been absent for 15 years now, and we all miss that so much.  As I heard from so many people, you always knew how to have fun Liz — even when there seemed to be no fun to be had.

I will always remember our last Thanksgiving — after a wonderful meal we played a game — it was charades of sorts.  You chose the word thimble and your task was to get us to say it.  Only problem, you had no idea what a thimble was used for — so you described it as only you could — as a “finger condom” — much to my chagrin and embarrassment as your grandmother and great aunt sat nearby!  There isn’t a Thanksgiving that goes by that we don’t talk about you and remember and laugh about your “finger condom.”

I will be forever grateful to my family, my friends, and all of your friends, Liz.  They all continue to boldly speak your name at every opportunity and we all remember and smile and sometimes we just laugh.  Your friends have gone on to live wonderful, productive lives.  They are husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, teachers, business people, psychologists, doctors, nurses, interpreters, and many other things.  And it is good, it is all so good!

You taught us all so many things through your death.  You taught me most of all that love never dies, even if people do.  There are no words to adequately thank you for reaching out so quickly in those first days, weeks and months, to let me know — to let us all know — that you were fine — you were living a wonderful, new marvelous life — and you continue to make your presence known — even today — and I am SO GRATEFUL.

Roger, Anna and I REALIZE that because of YOU, we are better people — and it is so true Liz.  You opened up new possibilities in each of our lives that were completely foreign and even scary to us, and you walked with each of us every step of the way.  Because of YOU we each do what we can to make this world a better place — and WE ARE GRATEFUL because of YOU.

We continue to be a family of four, we continue to live in love each and every day because of YOU.

So on this day, I say THANK YOU Liz.  YOU have made a difference — in our lives and in the lives of many others.

Well done, good and faithful servant — until we meet again.

Love Always,

Mom


2 Timothy 4:7:  “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

Elizabeth Wencl  Elizabeth Jean Wencl     9/12/83  –  9/20/03

Happy 84th Birthday Dad!

6 Feb Our Family Photo is complete!

It seems fitting that today, on the occasion of my Dad’s 84th birthday, that I revisit the amazing experience my family and I shared four years ago when we gathered together to mark Dad’s 80th birthday.  Time always marches on, and we tend to let important events slip into the recesses of memory … until something happens to trigger then.  I think that is why I have done so much writing in the past 12 years.  Once you write something down, you can let it take a back seat to every day life.  But, on those occasions when you want to bring back the memories, all you need do is look back on what was written and the feelings come rushing back. 

GIFT FOR GRANDPA

I was excited as I awoke early that Sunday morning. Today all of my plans and preparations would come full circle. In a short while we would begin to celebrate my Dad’s 80th birthday. Dad doesn’t like a lot of fuss, but he good-naturedly went along with all of our plans.

I had managed to get his birthday celebration on our local 10 pm news. I had slept right through it, but many people let Dad know that they had seen it. A picture of Dad was in today’s paper announcing his milestone birthday. And there were flowers on the altar at church …. all in honor of Dad.

Our family would gather at a restaurant later in the day to celebrate Dad and honor the role he plays in so many lives. I had hoped to secure a private room at the restaurant, but when I checked early in the week, nothing was available. I was disappointed, but I knew the party would still be the grand celebration I wanted it to be.

We arrived at the restaurant and followed the hostess to our table. Much to my surprise and amazement we had somehow managed to get our own private room after all. We were free to talk and laugh and carry on without disturbing anyone. Two of my favorite cousins – Dawn and Beth, were also joining us. They loved my Dad and were very close to him.

As we finished our meal with an extravagant chocolate dessert we all raised our glasses and toasted Dad. He smiled from ear to ear and got a little teary as he told us how proud he was of his family and how much he loved us.

Beth worked for a photographer and she busily snapped photos throughout our time at the restaurant. As we got ready to leave, we all stood proudly around Dad and took a family photo — something we had not done for a very long time.

Despite the happiness of the day, I couldn’t help but be sad. If only Elizabeth were here I thought to myself – then this day would be perfect. Our 20-year old Elizabeth, our first-born daughter and granddaughter, had died in a fire while attending college in 2003. Even though almost nine years had passed there would always be an empty chair at our family table that no one but Elizabeth could fill. And, it was especially difficult today when we were celebrating such a happy occasion.

The next day I received an email from Beth thanking me for inviting her, and she included some of the photos she had taken. She told me she was concerned when she downloaded the photos and brought the first one up, only to see a large white spot just above my head and on my husband’s arm.

Beth was dismayed and she wondered how this could have happened – would this spot ruin all of the pictures?

As she slowly viewed each picture, she was relieved to see that the white spot was found only on that first photo of our family. As Beth stared at the photo, suddenly it dawned on her – if Elizabeth had been here she would have been standing in the exact place where that white spot had been. Could it be she wondered?

I didn’t have to wonder — I knew. What a wonderful gift Elizabeth had given to her family, especially her Grandpa. I printed off the photo and excitedly asked my Dad to stop over, “I have one last gift for you I told him.”

He came into my kitchen and gently scolded me – “Kimmie, he said, I don’t need any more birthday presents! Everything you gave me yesterday was wonderful.” “Oh, I think you’ll want this one Dad, I said, – but you’d better sit down first.”

He sat down at the table with a quizzical look on his face. I laid Beth’s email in front of him, which said:

Here are 2 pictures from yesterday, I have to correct the lighting on some of the others and then will send more. Can you BELIEVE the first one? I’m not kidding when I tell you that I have NEVER had a white spot show up like that before. Dawn was with me when I downloaded them and we were looking through them. When I first saw it I said “darn it look at that spot on there”, totally expecting it to be on a whole bunch of them….then i go to the next one and it’s gone and it didn’t show up again. Dawn and I looked at each other in disbelief and said “Liz was there too!!”

I quietly laid the photo down and Dad stared at it for a few minutes and then was overcome with emotion, as he realized the significance of the white spot. We both shed tears of joy at the thought that our beloved Elizabeth had been with us yesterday on such a special day. Love never dies, and the bond we all share with those we love is never broken …. not even by death!

 

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Dearest Elizabeth

19 Sep

As I write this letter to you today, I cannot help but reflect back to thirteen years ago.  It was a day much like today — sunny and beautiful, with the hints of Fall beginning to make their appearance.  I cannot help but be overwhelmed with a surge of so many different emotions.  I could write on and on about how I wish things could have been different, or how one learns to live in joy again when someone you love so deeply leaves you so quickly.  But these are all topics for another day.

Today, my heart and soul are overwhelmingly and unequivocally filled with LOVE and GRATITUDE for YOU. Your physical presence has been absent for 13 years now, and we all miss that so much.  As I heard from so many people, you always knew how to have fun Liz — even when there seemed to be no fun to be had.

I will always remember our last Thanksgiving — after a wonderful meal we played a game — it was charades of sorts.  You chose the word thimble and your task was to get us to say it.  Only problem, you had no idea what a thimble was used for — so you described it as only you could — as a “finger condom” — much to my chagrin and embarrassment as your grandmother and great aunt sat nearby!  There isn’t a Thanksgiving that goes by that we don’t talk about you and remember and laugh about your “finger condom.”

I will be forever grateful to my family, my friends, and all of your friends, Liz.  They all continue to boldly speak your name at every opportunity and we all remember and smile and sometimes we just laugh.  Your friends have gone on to live wonderful, productive lives.  They are husbands, wives, mothers, fathers, teachers, business people, psychologists, doctors, nurses, interpreters, and many other things.  And it is good, it is all so good!

You taught us all so many things through your death.  You taught me most of all that love never dies, even if people do.  There are no words to adequately thank you for reaching out so quickly in those first days, weeks and months, to let me know — to let us all know — that you were fine — you were living a wonderful, new marvelous life — and you continue to make your presence known — even today — and I am SO GRATEFUL.

Roger, Anna and I REALIZE that because of YOU, we are better people — and it is so true Liz.  You opened up new possibilities in each of our lives that were completely foreign and even scary to us, and you walked with each of us every step of the way.  Because of YOU we each do what we can to make this world a better place — and WE ARE GRATEFUL because of YOU.

We continue to be a family of four, we continue to live in love each and every day because of YOU.

So on this day, I say THANK YOU Liz.  YOU have made a difference — in our lives and in the lives of many others.

Well done, good and faithful servant — until we meet again.

Love Always,

Mom


2 Timothy 4:7:  “I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.”

Elizabeth Wencl  Elizabeth Jean Wencl     9/12/83  –  9/20/03


It’s Been A While!

19 Feb

I have really neglected blogging for a while!  If you had been a reader you may have wondered why I haven’t posted for so long.  Nothing catastrophic has happened.  Quite the contrary.  Life is good, so very, very good.

The original intent of this blog was to write about my journey through the physical death of my oldest daughter, Elizabeth — along with the many stories of our intense, continued connection.  And I have achieved that goal.

Are we still connected?  You bet we are — stronger than ever.  But we have such a solid foundation that there really hasn’t been a need on either of our parts to communicate.  Life continues to be good on both sides of the veil.

Each day is a blessing and a gift and I try to make the most of each of them.  Some milestones have happened since I last wrote — my husband Roger and I celebrated our 35th wedding anniversary and we signed on for 35 more.  I turned 60 and love every minute of it.

Family is good — we’ve been lucky with good health and happiness for all.  Something none of us ever takes for granted.

If you watch the news each night as I do, it is easy to think that the world is falling apart.  Yes, there are many things wrong — but there is also so much right with it as well — it just doesn’t get the publicity that it should.

So continue to carry on, live in LOVE and not in fear — and love yourself,  continue to love and serve your God and every fellow sojourner on this journey we call life on earth.  It’s what drives me and gets me out of bed each and every day.

 

Many  Continued Blessings to each and every one of you.

Kim

Milestones

30 Sep

I breathe a sigh of relief … today is the last day of September.  I love the September weather and the move to Fall.  But it is a month full of emotions — good and painful.  September 2013 was remarkedly so.

Liz would have turned the big 30 on September 12th.  What haunts me the most is that I so long to know what would her life look like at 30?  What career would she have?  Would she have found someone to share her life with?  Would I be a Grandmother?

In my mind, Liz will always be this rebellious 20-year old daughter — whom I love more than my own life — but who was not an easy teenager to deal with.  I wish I could forget about that and concentrate on a more positive outlook.  It’s easy to assume that everything would be rosy — she would have a fab job, a wonderful partner and maybe a special daughter or son.  I sure would like to believe that.  But part of me can’t help but wonder if it would have gone the other way.  Would she have continued to struggle and make poor life decisions?  Would she be in and out of rehab?  Would she have “seen the light” and turned things around?  The simple truth is that I just don’t know.

But the other truth is, that it really doesn’t matter either way.  Because none of it happened — the good or the bad.  It is what it is and I choose to make the best of that.  I have known every night for the last ten years where she is and I know that she is safe and she is at peace.  Therefore, so am I.  I no longer have those sleepless nights of wondering about her.  I know where she is and we still have a relationship.  It’s certainly not what I had hoped for on that day 30 years ago when I first saw that beautiful baby girl with the wild shock of hair and big blue eyes.

But I am at peace about her, and I love her more than ever … and she knows that.  That’s all I can ask for at this point, and that’s OK it is enough.

We chose to celebrate the 20 years that Liz was physically with us on September 20th.  Our house was filled to the brim with family and Liz’s closest high school friends.  It felt so good to have everyone together — much the same as we had been ten years before — but most of the pain and shock of her sudden departure has worn thinner.

We shared memories and laughter over the crazy antics of this amazing, daughter, sister, niece, cousin and friend.

And I know she was there with us in spirit — thankful that we had gathered to laugh, to love and to remember.

Carry on Liz … til we meet again in spirit.

Love always,

Mom

butterfly

Meet Toffee Roger Wencl

2 May

ToffeeandAnnaMeet the newest member of our family — Toffee Roger Wencl!  He became an official  Wencl this past Sunday and the transition thus far has been a smooth one both for Toffee and for us!

Toffee loves to play and he loves to walk — and he’s a wonderful leash walker — always by my side and never pulling or bounding ahead — something the Legendary Murphy ALWAYS did whenever we attempted to take him on a walk!

As I sit at my computer, Toffee is never far away — three dog toys lay scattered on the floor nearby and he hovers on either side of me waiting for a scratch, a pet, or just an affirmation of what a good boy he is.

Night times are seamless as Roger goes to bed, Toffee kennels up without a peep.  Each morning he waits silently, but eagerly, for the day to begin.  Sometimes I wonder if he ever sleeps!

The most astounding piece of this new puzzle, however, are the resounding signs from above that Toffee was meant for us — picked especially for us by Elizabeth & Murphy.  Toffee’s foster Mom was named Beth; and the lady who did our final interview and deemed us to be a good adoptive home  was named Liz.  Liz-Beth!  Toffee made his first visit to our home on the 20th of the month — Liz died on the 20th; and we received confirmation that Toffee was ours on the 21st — exactly one month to the day that Murphy died.

Our family will be forever connected no matter where we are!  Love is always in the air!

 

The Love of a Good Dog

2 Apr

It’s been eleven days now since the pitter patter of little feet in our house stopped.  Our Murphy — our 14-1/2 year old Cairn Terrier, passed away on Thursday, March 21st, AT HOME AND WITHOUT PAIN – ALLELUIA!    He has been a member of our family for 14 years and he is dearly missed.  He was there as my girls grew up — through all of the good times and the difficult as well.

We are starting to get use to the fact that he isn’t here … but every once in a while I catch myself thinking he’s going to be laying on our bed as I walk by the bedroom door, or I’ll look out the kitchen window and expect to see him exploring out in the yard.  Every day it gets just a little easier — even though we miss him dearly.

A strange thing happened though — I have always said that when Murphy was gone, there would be no more Wencl dogs.  No other dog could ever compete with the legendary Murphy.  And, while that may very well be true, it hasn’t taken Roger and I  long to realize that we want and need another dog to be a part of our family.  I am very surprised at myself that I’ve come to that conclusion so quickly.  And it’s not that we would be replacing Murphy — no dog could ever do that — it’s more that we have the perfect scenario at our house to give another dog a good home.  I’m home every day, our back yard is completely fenced in, and both Roger and I want to love another dog again.

So, we’ve been searching the net to find another Cairn — an older Cairn.  I don’t want to be chasing another dog down the street after he’s somehow escaped our backyard — I’m too old and out of shape for that!  We found the Colonel Potter Cairn Rescue site and on Sunday after the Easter celebration ended, I filled out our application to adopt.

I was a bit concerned about what daughter Anna would say — and thankfully she was completely on board as well.  Now we wait and see what happens … I long to hear the pitter of Cairn feet on my kitchen floor again and the bark at the door that says I want to go out!  Hopefully, it will happen soon!

So long Murphy Roger Wencl — I know you are smiling down and wagging your tail from above!Murphy Roger Wencl

Baldwins on the Beach

9 Jan

BaldwinsontheBeach

I have been noticably absent from the blogosphere for the past … well almost six weeks.  But there was a very good reason!  Last  year my family decided to do something completely different for Christmas 2012.  No shopping, baking, or Christmas card writing! Instead we would all go to Florida and spend the holidays on the beach.  We were all on board immediately and it didn’t take long before we found the perfect beach house to rent.  Thanks to VRBO we found The Gazebo Cottage  http://www.islandvacationproperties.com/rental/house.html?ID=503&Avail=&Stay=

Since it rented by the month and my parents didn’t want to fly, we made the decision that I would accompany them and help make the drive down.  I was thrilled beyond words … never in my wildest imagination did I think I would ever have the opportunity to spend 30 days on the beach!  The beach was awesome … but the real gem in this equation was spending 30 days with my parents.  It was a wonderful experience, and the best gift I could have ever been given.  We relaxed, we drove around and visited all the places that my parents had been over the 40 plus years that they had been traveling to Florida.  We even visited every golf course that my Dad had played on.  It was a trip through time and revisited fond memories.

We got fresh grapefruit right off a tree in our yard, we got fresh oranges from a Mom & Pop orange grove, we bought fresh sea food from roadside stands and ocean fish markets.

We read books, we sat on the beach and watched dolphins and stingrays swim by.  We watched birds dive bomb into the ocean for food.  We enjoyed the gift of time.

We eagerly awaited the arrival of the rest of our family so we could all enjoy the beauty that was Anna Maria Island.  But all too soon our time was up.  We spared Mom & Dad the long drive home and got them a flight back home.  My Dad called me excitedly to tell me that he had upgraded so that they could travel first class on what may be the last plane ride they make.  It seemed a fitting end to a wonderful month.

My nephew Thomas turned 19 on December 28th so we all went out to a seafood restaurant and celebrated his big day.

Roger and I celebrated our 33rd wedding anniversary on December 29th.  The “young ones” of our family were cooking that night so instead of going off on our own, we elected to stay home and enjoy home-made pizza and play games.

Roger and I spent the first night of our drive home in Smyrna, Georgia … we got to spend quality time with Roger’s Uncle Kenny, sharing a meal and getting the tour of town, including a visit to his home.  Another priceless first on this grand adventure of ours.

The final night, which was also New Years Eve, was spent in Urbana, Illinois.  We were exhausted after driving for 12 hours so we celebrated with supper at Perkins, a hot shower, and a very comfortable bed.

The next day we arrived back in Minnesota and HOME!  As much as I love to travel, I also really love my home.  There really is “no place like home.”  I had never been away from home for this length of time before and it felt like a long awaited reunion with a favorite old friend.

My dog, Murphy, however, had other ideas.  As ecstatic as I was to see him, he was mad at me for being gone for so long — a first in a 13-1/2 year history with him.  But I couldn’t say I blamed him.  How do you explain to a dog that you are going to be gone for so long, but you WILL be coming back?  I’m sure in his mind he didn’t think I would ever return.

I am happy to say though, after being home for a week, all has been forgiven and Murphy and I have seemlessly slipped back into our daily routines.

2013 is a new year full of hope and promise.  One thing is sure though — things will not stay the same.  Time marches on — even though sometimes we don’t want it to.

Wishing you and your family the hope and promise that this new year brings!

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