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A Teachable Moment

21 Sep

Yesterday was a beautiful day in many ways.  One of the best parts of it for me was that I was able to share just a little bit of the extraordinary experiences and way I view the world with the Speckiens, the Heidens and family and friends.

The Heiden’s and Speckien’s daughters were each married this summer.  Emily Speckien was married on a boat on the Mississippi River.  Margaret told the story of how the sun was shining but it was raining … but only on the river … and not enough to disrupt the ceremony.  It ended as quickly as it began and a huge double rainbow appeared and was captured in some of the wedding pictures.  And, Margaret said, they all knew it was their sign that Amanda was present and very happy.

Beth Heiden was married in Wisconsin … also on a rainy day, one week prior to Emily’s wedding.  They live in Racine, so they took several pictures on the shores of Lake Michigan.  A single rainbow appeared and is captured on several of their pictures.  When the wedding party arrived at the reception and Darlene told one of her friends about the rainbow, her friend excitedly went to the gift table, opened up the box containing all of the wedding cards, and dug through them until she found the card she had given to Beth and Mike.

Open this card right now she demanded.  Wondering why it was so urgent, Beth did as she suggested.  She opened the card, and the song Somewhere Over the Rainbow started to play.  Her friend excitedly went on to tell them that while at the card store she had asked Brian to help her select just the right card for Beth & Mike.  When she heard them tell about the rainbow in their pictures, she knew it was validation not only for her, but for everyone, that Brian was indeed present and acknowledging his sister’s most important day.

I was doing cartwheels in my mind … I was so happy.  I have always questioned myself if I should share more of my experiences with them … I knew how comforting they were for me … but my sense had always been NO, it would not be accepted, so I’ve always kept quiet.

Isn’t that just the freakiest story Darlene said?  I don’t think its freaky at all, I think it’s extremely comforting, I told her.  My friend believes in all that “wierd stuff” Darlene said.  “I believe in all the wierd stuff too, I told her — I’ve just had way to many amazing experiences in the last 5 years not too.”  I secretly hoped they would want to know more … but they didn’t.

I did share my story of 9/19 of Liz’s message and Monique’s email.  They all listened and thought long and hard.  I gave them as much as they could handle … it wasn’t much, but it’s a start.  It will be food for thought and may perhaps lead them to look at life differently and think about Brian in a new way … and that’s a very good thing.

Anna excitedly exclaimed, “Well I’m sure when I get married Liz will give me a triple rainbow!”  After all, she always wants to out do everyone and be the best at everything she does.”  I had to agree … but a triple rainbow???  That I can’t wait to see!

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Today is the day …

20 Sep

Wow … it’s September 20th … the last 24 hours have been a whirlwind but yesterday has to go down as one of the best days of my life.  My day was made by 7:30 am (if you don’t know what I’m talking about read my blog entry from yesterday).

I went to Van Cleve Park yesterday and did a story with Darcy Pohland of WCCO TV.  My two best girlfriends, Julie and Jeanne, came along and Julie drove.  It was an absolute beautiful day.  We got to the park with time to spare so I could walk them around and show them Liz’s house and show them the memorial tree.

Darcy arrived and we taped for about an hour.  It was like having a conversation with someone I’ve known for a very long time.  We went over to the house and decided to knock on the door to see if anyone was home.

A very nice young man answered the door and agreed to come out and talk to us.  Do you know what happened at this house 5 years ago Darcy asked him?  I have no idea was his response.  Tell him Kim, Darcy responded.  So I did.  He was very shocked … the landlords never told us that he said. 

We went on to talk about fire prevention methods.  We were very happy to hear that the landlords had installed a smoke detector in every room and they are hooked into the electrical system so they can’t be dismantled.

Another HUGE improvement was that the house is no longer a duplex … which means there are now two exits … the front exit and the back exit.  This is crucial because when Liz lived there, the only exit from the house was in front through the porch … which is where the fire started.

I was so happy to see this progress has been made.  If you want to watch the story the link is:

http://wcco.com/education/speckien.wencl.heiden.2.821583.html

Well, I wonder if Liz has any other tricks up her sleeve to amaze me today — time will tell … expect the unexpected … and live in JOY!

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Something Really Cool Just Happened!

19 Sep

Something really amazing has just happened and I need to share it and document it.

Each morning I like to get up early, drink coffee and be on my computer to listen to music, play spider solitare, check emails, etc.  I have over 100 songs loaded and they play at random.  What I also have loaded is a phone message that Liz left us on 9-19-03 while she was at the Minnesota Wild Hockey game … “Hi Mom … it’s Liz … I’m at the game and I wanted to thank you for those tickets – they’re really awesome seats… so thank you very much … alright … bye.”

As I laid in bed this morning I thought about that message and I remember thinking that it hadn’t played in a long time.

I got up, got my coffee and headed into the computer room.  I turned it on, started my first solitare game and started the music.  After a couple of games, which I won, I checked my email.  I had a new email from Monique, who was Liz’s college roommate and one of her very closest friends.  Monique wanted to let us know that she was sad that she would not be at our anniversary gathering this year … she’s attending grad school in Chicago.

I just want you to know, she said, I think about Liz every day and she is the reason I chose Psychology.  Liz loved it and she knew how helpful it could be for people in need.

Just as I opened up Monique’s email and started to read it … Liz’s message came on.  I just had to smile … Liz was letting me know she was fine, and she wanted me to let Monique know as well, which I did.

She is so close whenever we need her.  Life is good … life is JOYOUS!

Make your day GREAT!

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Happy Birthday Liz

12 Sep

 

9/12/83  –  9/20/03

Love, Mom

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This Change is Good

6 Sep

My work life for the past year has been tumultuous at best … never a steady even keel like I had grown use to.  Up until about 10 days ago I had been able to take everything in stride, deal with it, and survive … but it hasn’t been easy.

However, last week things changed dramatically for the worse.  I went home after another very difficult day – shut myself off from the outside world – and had some quiet time with God and The Universe.  I needed help to somehow improve my working situation and I had absolutely no clue what to do or where to even start to make that possible.

I’ve been at my company for over 34 years now … I could quit if I really, really wanted to.  But I’d like to hang in there until 7-31-09.  On that day I will be 55 yrs old and will have been with the company for a little over 35 years.  That is a huge milestone that I would like to achieve.

As luck would have it –and after all my experiences of the past 5 years I know luck has absolutely nothing to do with it — I had scheduled my  yearly physical for last Thursday (although it’s really been two years – I’m not much for going to the doctor unless I’m on my death bed).   When I told my doctor about all the chaos … she immediately recommended a medical leave of absence, which I didn’t argue with.  I’ll be at home, away from my job, for a minimum of 2 weeks.

It is a welcome break and it will give me a chance to get some balance back into my life and just breathe.

It is proof once again that when you need something, all you have to do is ask.  A medical leave was something that had never crossed my mind.  I thought my options were to quit or once again suck it up and be tough.

My sense is that there is more to this story and I’m anxiously waiting to see how it will all unfold.  It is such a relief to have this break though and I’m going to savor every moment.  As the saying goes, “I don’t know what the future holds, but I do know who holds the future.”  Not sure who gets credit for that one, but I love it.

Make your day great!

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Our Plans for September 20, 2008

25 Aug

Our plans to honor and remember our children are coming together in a most amazing, very special, and wonderful way.

The Speckeins, Heidens and the Wencl’s will be attending the “6th Annual Como Neighborhood Picnic” put on by the U of M and the Como Park neighborhood on Saturday, September 20th.

It will be held in Van Cleve Park, right across the street from the house where the kids lived.  There will be food, music, games and resource tables!  We will be manning a resource table handing out fire safety literature to anyone we can.  We’ve put together a flyer that I hope will get our message across.

  In addition we’ll be handing out candy — specifically lifesavers — do you get our play on words?   Lifesaver candy goes along with “lifesaving” information! 

It is the perfect way for us to remember and honor our kids.  It will be held in their old stomping grounds — they loved the U … it will be fun, we’ll be able to do some good, and we will honor and remember them … all at the same time.

On Friday, the 19th I will be doing a news story with Darcy Pohland of WCCO.  Darcy has the U of M beat and I did a story with her a couple years ago.  We will talk about the picnic, our fire safety handout, and of course the 5 yr anniversary.

I find people are scratching their heads and saying … how can you do this?  But I say, how can I not do this?  This is a golden opportunity to pass on life saving information … there’s no going back … I can’t change what happened 5 years ago … but I can do something to change the future  … and I can talk about my girl … 5 years later and I still have opportunities to talk about my girl … there’s no way to express how special that is.  Most of all, I know it is what Liz would want.  She will be cheering us on from above … that is for sure.

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De-Ja-Vu

5 Apr

I don’t know how to spell it … but that is what it is for me today …

I was so saddened to learn of another fatal off-campus house fire.  This one, at the University of Wisconsin-Stout.  Once again, the similarities between Liz’s fire and this one are hauntingly similar … early morning fire call, 2 girls and one guy … each found on the floor in their bedrooms … smoke inhalation … even the day was the same … a beautiful sunny Saturday. 

I recall that day  … the confusion, the complete and utter disbelief … the bargaining with God, the tiniest of hope that it wasn’t true … then amazingly the peace that washed over me when I learned it was … the media calling us, knocking on our door … wanting to talk to us … wanting to know … how did we feel …  I just wanted the craziness to end … I wanted to take a deep breath and for someone to say it was all just a big mistake … it wasn’t true … but it didn’t happen and very quickly reality stepped in.  What a difference a day can make.

I’ve come a long way since that fateful day … almost 5 years ago … but days like today bring it back.  Alot has happened in these years … and  I am stronger now than I have ever been … and my purpose now is to be there …  to reach out to those families and help them however I can.  They have become members of a club that shouldn’t exist … that you don’t get a choice on whether to join.

Please send light and love and most of all peace to those hurting families.

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