Tag Archives: Life Experiences

Eight

9 Sep

The number eight has been rolling around in my brain for the past few days.  I assumed it was because we will soon be marking the eighth anniversary of my daughter’s death.

However, it dawned on me yesterday that there was more to it than that.  I realized that September 12th would have been her 28th birthday and eight days after her birthday is the 20th – the day she died – eight years ago.

As all of those realities sank in, I began to see the number eight in my mind’s eye.  And I began to pay attention.

Notice that once you put your pen on paper you can make an eight in one fluid motion and you have two circles that intersect one on top of the other.  This is a metaphor for the relationship that Liz and I continue to share.

Our lives will always intersect.  She will always play a part in my life and I will always play a part in hers.  Each circle represents one of us.  The top circle represents Liz because she is now on a higher plain than I am.  Her energy vibrates at a much higher level than mine does.  She has moved on to a higher plain of existence or heaven, so she is the top circle - I continue my work here on earth so I represent the bottom circle - we are in different worlds – but yet still solidly connected.

Look again at the eight — it is like a path that can be followed.  You may start out at the top and work your way down (to earth) and then continue to go back up — Liz did that.  Or you can start at the top and continue down and follow the same road as long as you need to and then you switch lanes and move up – but whatever your path you always remain connected.

Whenever September rolls around I try to make sense of things — but most of the time there is no sense to be made — it just is.  Choices were made and consequences followed — for both of us.  But what gives me comfort and solace today is the gentle nudge that I believe Liz is giving me to remember that just like the number eight our lives will always be intersecting with each other.  And one day, when my job here is complete I will move to that top circle and we will truly be together – two balls of love-filled energy.

That knowing makes me smile and it is what will make the days of September just a little bit easier to bear.

Thank you Liz — once again — you never cease to amaze me!

Love,

Mom

PS – I just realized – today is the 9th – I should have paid more attention and made this post yesterday! Oh well.

 

God At Work

31 Mar

A couple of weeks ago we had a speaker at our Compassionate Friends meeting.  Mitch Carmody lost his son Kelly to cancer in 1987 and he’s written a book entitiled, Letters to My Son.  I had read it several years ago and have wanted to meet Mitch for a very long time.  I contacted him last Fall and we set in motion his coming to town to speak to our group on March 14th.   Our local paper did a really nice front-page interview with Mitch that ran the day before our meeting.

We had a great turn out and the article brought out many more than our CF membership.  We had one couple attend who had not lost a child, but were about to.  The Harlicker’s have a 7 year old son, Tyler, in the final stages of a cancer battle.  When they read the article in the paper about Mitch, and the fact that he also lost a son from cancer, about the same age as Tyler, they felt compelled to attend as they said they felt it was a sign from God.
 
Everyone in town knows about Tyler and his cancer battle.  We have been praying for him for over a year in church every week.  Roger and I met Tim & Sue for the first time that night and they are amazing — very strong and we both were very touched at the openness with which they have dealt with this painful journey in ther family.  They have also talked very openly with Tyler and his brothers and sisters about his impending journey to heaven.
 
When Mitch Carmody’s son Kelly was in the midst of his cancer battle, he clutched a rosary and it brought tremendous comfort to him and his family.  Several years after Kelly passed Mitch came upon the rosary and began to lend it out to other people who were also fighting cancer or some other life crisis.  Some  were healed and sometimes the rosary became a very comforting symbol that helped them through the journey.
 
The rosary had been out on loan for the past three years.  However the week after Mitch spoke and met the Harlicker’s, the rosary was returned to him.  And, he immediately knew that it needed to go to Tyler.  The next day the Harlicker’s took a road trip with Tyler to meet Mich and his wife Barb and accept the rosary.  Tyler was able to see pictures of Kelly – who he knew would be his new friend in heaven.
 
Tyler completed his journey this past Tuesday and the rosary served the purpose for which it was intended.  Here is the heartbreaking but amazing account written by Tyler’s Dad, of Tyler’s transition from this world to the next.
 
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/tylerharlicker/journal

Intuition Versus Self Talk

8 Nov

Many of my readers are familiar with my spiritual teacher, mentor, and friend Kathryn Harwig.  She recently wrote a piece that is a very common-sense, down-to-earth expose on intuition.  I liked it so much I asked her permission to reprint it here:

Recently someone asked me, “How do I know if the information I am getting is coming from my intuition or from my own self talk?”  This is a very good question, and one that everyone who is serious about being intuitive needs to ask on occasion.  It is a challenge to be intuitive about yourself and most of us find that it is far easier to give someone else a psychic reading than to give ourselves good intuitive advice.

Why?  Because our own hopes, dreams, worries and fears tend to get in the way of our hearing our inner psychic, at least when we are asking for information for ourselves.  Many people solve this dilemma, at least in part, by consulting with other psychics.  But, we also want and need to use our intuition to make our own lives better.  So, it is necessary, I think, to be able to distinguish the voice of our inner self talk and the quiet voice of our intuitive wisdom.

I attended a talk once where the speaker said that our unconscious mind was unable to hear the word “Not”.  Her point was that when we make affirmations such as, “I do NOT want to be fat”, our unconscious mind only hears, “I am fat.”  I don’t know if this is true or not, but, upon reflection, I realized that my intuition almost never uses the word “not.”

I will hear, for example, “take this route to work” rather than “do NOT take your usual route”, or, “make this telephone call” rather than, “do NOT call this person.”  My “tips for better living” mind, on the other hand, is always telling me what not to do.  Thus, when I hear advice about what not to do, I am generally certain it is coming from the part of me that is fearful about something, rather than my intuition.

Another way I differentiate between intuition and self talk is that intuition speaks without emotion.  It often “hits” out of the blue with no relationship to what I am doing or even thinking about it.  It comes as an emotionless statement in my mind, or a mental picture or even a physical sensation.  Seldom though, does it carry a strong emotional charge with it. Even when I see, in my minds eye, something that would normally frighten me, I am able to view it intuitively as if I am watching a movie that doesn’t involve me.

My inner voice though, seems to thrive on emotion.  When I think about something and ruminate on it, I tend to feel a lot of emotions.  Whether the emotion I feel is excitement, joy, fear or worry is irrelevant.  Feeling that type of emotion along with a thought is a clue to me that the thought is not an intuitive message.

Another clue is that intuitive information tends to come without any value judgment attached to it.  My intuition gives me messages without any sense of “good” or “bad”, “right” or “wrong.”  Sometimes, after getting this information, my conscious mind jumps in, placing judgment on what I have received.  But, the actual vision or words or feelings never carry a sense of rightness or wrongness.  That is because intuitive information is valueless.  It is never right or wrong…good or bad.  It simply is.

Not long ago I got an email from some one who had heard me giving intuitive insights to audience members.  Her email said, “How do you differentiate between common sense and intuition?  When I listened to your intuitive messages, I thought, “this is just common sense advice.”

She made a very good point.  As I pondered that I thought, “Where does common sense come from?”  We talk about “common sense” as if it is something we can define and understand, but what is it, exactly?  I laughed to myself when I realized that common sense is just another way to describe intuition.  It is that wiser part of ourself that “just knows things.”

How do you tell what is intuition and what is self talk?  I would love to hear from you!

Blessings, Kathryn

http://www.harwig.com

Listen Live Tonight At 5!

3 May

I will be Suzane Northrop’s guest tonight on Blog Talk Radio. 

Listen Live at 5 pm CDT    OR    listen to the archived show

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/suzanenorthrop/2010/05/03/the-suzane-northrop-show

With Gratitude

19 Aug

For most of these past six years, I have known that the experiences I have had were not just for me. They were meant to be shared.

Today I took another step in making that a reality.

My story of “The French Lesson” was published in the Sept/Oct issue of Angels on Earth magazine.

Liz’s picture and story will be read by countless people now and I am so incredibly grateful to God for making it happen.

Dreams Are Important

15 Jul

A friend of mine sent me a true story today that really brings home the importance of dreams.

Most of the time dreams don’t make sense (at least to me). But, sometimes they do bring us clear, concise messages, that leave very little need for interpretation. We can choose to share, to heed, or to keep these dreams to ourselves or to completely ignore them.

Here is the story:

A high school friend of mine, Barb, was at lunch today; the last I had heard she was in the hospital for surgery. It all started with a rash on her neck that wouldn’t go away – she got medication for it but it just got worse.

Then this 70 year old woman began spotting.

Her 17 year old granddaughter came to her one day and asked when was the last time she had a physical. It had been several years ago. She got upset and said that she had a very clear dream that she was at her Grandma’s funeral, she couldn’t get the dream out of her mind, and Grandma needed to get a check-up.

Later when Barb told her son of the granddaughter’s dream, he just looked at her and said, “Mom, call for an appointment now. I had the same dream”.

Barb is a very religious lady. She felt she could not ignore what seemed to be a clear message and so she made the appointment. The doctors discovered cancer that was eating through the wall of the uterus, and in a short while would have invaded the rest of her body. As it was, she just had to undergo a hysterectomy with no follow-up care.
* * * * *
Two things really stand out for me. The most important lesson is that when we have a life or death dream about someone, it is imperative that we share it with that person.

Put aside all thoughts of feeling silly, wierd or cooky, share the dream.

Whether the other person believes it or heeds it, is not your concern.

No one wants to look back and wish they had shared something with someone, especially someone they love, and they did not – and because they did not, a completely different outcome ensued.

Another important point is that if someone steps out and shares a dream they had about you – listen!

In this case, two people had the same dream. If neither one had shared it, I dare say the outcome of this story would have been very different.

Dreams are important.

Dreams have messages to make our lives better.

It is always our choice how we act or react to them when we receive them.

Signs

30 Jun

I’ve been asked a lot lately if I still get signs from Liz.

I’m happy to report that I do. But it’s not like you might think.

I have no control over when a sign will come. Early on, I was obsessed and would wake up each day wondering if something would happen.

That’s very normal for new grief – and I’m certain that Liz needed to send me signs just as much as I wanted and needed to receive them.

And I have to state the obvious here — I don’t have all the answers. I don’t know why I have received so much when others in similar situations feel they have received no communication from their loved ones.

Alot depends on the loved one on the other side. Alot depends on the openness of the people left here on earth to look beyond what they can see and touch.

The signs she sent in those first days, weeks, and months were not always for me. In looking back, that was a very good thing. It brought validity to them. If I had been the only one to receive signs I and others probably would have questioned my sanity.

But she reached out to her friends and her family and spread it around. Those she chose really “got it” and most importantly were not afraid to share their experience. That is huge.

I went through a stage where I tried to get her to do something on a particular day and time. It didn’t work and was particularly frustrating and just plain made me mad.

But it made me realize and finally accept the fact that I can’t control this. It is completely out of my control. Once I had that realization, I was able to come to the conclusion that I had to be thankful for the experiences I had already received. And, eventually I was able to accept the fact that even if I never got another thing from her, it would be ok.

I knew without any doubt whatsoever that Liz lives on. Not only does she live on, she’s extremely happy and she is doing important work. I no longer feel any need to worry about her. As a parent that is HUGE!

So, getting back to signs. No, I never know when one will come. But they pop up every now and then – usually when I least expect them. And, they are a wonderful surprise.

I was told early on to “expect the unexpected” where Liz is concerned. That certainly was true when she was physically here … and it still rings true today.

We have a bond that is unbreakable. I feel now, after almost six years without her physical presence, that we are closer than ever.

We are a team – stronger than we ever would have been together on earth. She knows what I do not. God is the playwright and we the actors – and by sharing our experiences with others, it promotes hope, promise and healing.

We’ve all heard the statement that “everything happens for a reason.”

From my perspective that is essentially true. Although things happen that we don’t like and that are completely and totally unfair … but that is life.

What we do with those losses are what counts. And it is always our choice.

We can be sad, angry, resentful and unhappy for a time or for the rest of our earthly lives if we choose to.

We can also learn from our pain, use it for good and reach out to help others.

We can choose to live our lives in love or in fear.

Make good choices — choose love!

Another Stunning Example

20 Apr

If my last post didn’t convince you of God’s intimate presence in our lives, perhaps this one will.   This story comes directly from Phil Bolsta’s blog, http://bolstablog.com

 Keep in mind, though,  that whether or not this gentlemen listened to what he was being told, he still would have been fine – the outcomes would have been completely different, of course, but HE still would have been fine.  Different lessons would have been learned, but HE STILL WOULD HAVE BEEN FINE.

Now … on to the story:
When Christopher Barbour, a clairvoyant intuitive and writer who assists law enforcement with difficult cases, told me these two amazing stories about how his angel saved his life, I knew I had to share them here. Goose bump alert!

As far back as I can remember, I have always felt watched over and cared about by a divine mysterious creator, and what I would call a spiritual support system. Thankfully, this inner life of mine was not foisted upon me by organized religion or well meaning family members—it’s always been there, and always will be there.

When I was seven, episodes of clairvoyance and intuition spontaneously began to bubble to the surface in my life. These experiences always took me directly to the sacred and the mysteries that we all share. That intuitive wiring of mine would eventually become part of my work, expressed via a path of mysticism and service.

If you asked me prior to when I reached my 30s if I believed in angels, I would have said, ”Of course!” I would have answered that question looking through the prism of faith, combined with an inner knowing, as well as through reading accounts in ancient sacred texts, and listening to stories people have shared with me over the years about encounters with angels.

angel-in-forest

In the fall of 2002, I was dealing with some difficult personal and family issues and was rebounding from the death of a friend who had a long struggle with heroin addiction and eventually died of complications from hepatitis. I was in such a state that no amount of praying, meditation or discussion with my support system was helping. I was in a crisis mode unlike anything I had experienced before, and decided one blustery fall day, to take a long walk in a forest near my home in northern Arizona that many have described as “magical.” Walks alone in nature had become my way to deal with my mysteries and some of the darkness of my work, so it seemed the perfect thing for me to do under the circumstances.

My walk began normally but within about forty-five minutes, I had become so entrenched in my own head and problems that I hadn’t realized that I had veered off the path and was walking through a thicket of small trees and shrubs. I kept walking for several more minutes, approaching a line of low shrubs, when I heard a woman call my name. The voice that called “Christopher!” was female, and though I couldn’t place her, she sounded familiar; she shouted my name as only someone who knew me very well would.

I froze on the spot and looked to my left where the voice seemed to come from, and briefly saw a beautiful woman with long, light brown hair and a light colored diaphanous gown. She disappeared after a few seconds, before I was able to get a good look at her. I looked down and realized that I was no longer on the path, and that if I had taken one more step, I would have fallen forty feet onto jagged rocks below. I stood there, alone in the forest, closed my eyes and said to her, “Thank you, thank you, thank you . . .” 

car-ditch-snow

In early December 2004, I booked a trip back to the east coast to see my family in Connecticut for the holidays. I had arranged my trip so that I would return to Arizona on January 4th, after the holiday travel rush. One evening, I got into bed and fell into that state just before sleep called the hypnogogic state.

That is when a profound vision was downloaded into me. I was shown a scenario, seen from my own point of view, of flying back to Arizona from the east coast. It was stormy and raining as the plane landed. I looked to my left and in the seat next to me, there she was again, my angel—beautiful, light-filled, with long hair—the same woman who had called my name that day in the forest two years earlier. She was so light-filled, in fact, that I couldn’t look at her for more than a few seconds for fear that my eyes couldn’t take the brightness.

I was shown myself getting into the car that was to pick me up after my flight home, and then shown the driver and me on the highway north of Phoenix whizzing along. The car hit a patch of ice and I saw myself as the car began to slide off the highway and crash and come apart. I saw the windshield coming closer as I was thrown out of the car. There in front of me, seconds before what would have been my death, was my angel, smiling and radiating peace that I could feel deep within. I awoke with a start, shocked by what I had been shown with such razor clarity. I laid in bed for some time thinking about the vision and pondering canceling my trip east. It was very clear in the vision that I was flying west when this event happened, after I had been to the east coast. As I fell back to sleep, the vision came a second time, exactly as it had played out the first time. It was as if God and my angel didn’t want to leave room for denial or any ”it was just a dream” nonsense. It worked. I awoke the second time with a start and simply said, “Thank you God, thanks guys, I get it, I get it.”

After the visions, I was left with a strong inner knowing that as long as I didn’t return on January 4th, I would not die. I went back east for the holidays and after a few days, I checked the weather reports for Arizona and learned that a series of storms was heading toward the state. In fact, the part of Arizona where I live was bracing for severe floods and storms capable of producing dangerously icy conditions. I called the airline and extended my stay in Connecticut for a week, knowing that it was important, if I wanted to live, not to return to Arizona on January 4th.

I began to think of the driver who was to pick me up at the airport on January 4th and drive me home. As he was driving me to the airport in Phoenix at the beginning of my trip, he said that he would be dropping someone off at my airline around the time of my return, so it would be he easy for him to pick me up and  drive me back home. I attempted to tell him about the visions I had but I was unable to get through to him. I learned early in life that when it comes to visions, people are either open or they’re not-—many, especially men, are unreachable until an experience actually happens to them.

As I sat in my mother’s home in Greenwich, Connecticut, I wondered, Should I call the car service to warn them, not caring if I sounded like a goofball? I decided to do that, and though I tried to call the number at least a dozen times over the course of several days, my call would never go through. It felt to me as though Heaven had something up their sleeves and it was not my business to mess with it. As January 4th neared, I sent the driver grace and prayers for his safety and greater good.

angel-protecting-planeI returned home to Arizona completely intact. I had missed what friends and neighbors would eventually call “the 100-year flood.”  A few weeks after my return, I was catching up with a friend who works in law enforcement and she told me that in early January, while I was away, there had been a terrible accident on the highway north of Phoenix. I froze as she said, “Thank God, no one was in the car with the driver. He lived, but there was virtually nothing left of the rest of the car.”

Several weeks after that, in a synchronicity that only the gods could arrange, I ran into the man who would have been my driver that day—the man who survived the crash. He proceeded to tell me that on January 4th, after dropping a woman off at the airport, he had a very close brush with death as he made his way north on highway I-17. His car hit a patch of ice on the highway north of Phoenix and there was a devastating accident. He told me that the police could not believe that he lived. Only the cage around the driver was intact, the rest of the car was tangled, jagged metal. When the police found out that he worked for a car service, they said, “Thank God you didn’t have any passengers. There’s no way they could have survived.” Then he told me something that I found both fascinating and chilling. The accident occurred in the exact spot where he had pulled over years earlier, to pick up a dead owl and give it a respectful burial.

That driver was scheduled for a close brush with death for reasons known only to God and that man’s spiritual support system. This God we experience and speak about knows the tiniest details about our lives. It was known that this brush with death was scheduled and necessary, and that I was “accidentally” scheduled to be in that car. It was somehow necessary in the whole scheme of things that I was not to reach the car service or the driver to give them a heads up. It felt as if God and my angel were saying, via the visions I was sent

We want you to know this is on the horizon. You can come home if you want, but we think you are needed on that bedeviled planet and have more work to do. It’s up to you, you can come home or stay. The choice is yours. We will be watching very closely.

Needless to say, I chose to stay. What I have learned through these two experiences is that we are more closely watched, and watched over, than we could ever imagine. I often wonder, “Just what is this unseen world that exists and cares so much about us within the vastness of time and space?” I am humbled, and I often cry, when I think about how much this mysterious creator and my angelic companion care about me.

I have never taken one walk in the beauty that surrounds me since without thinking about my angel and the day she called my name with such compassion, saving me from breaking my body in two. Her beauty and light is hard to describe and my love for her knows no bounds. She was there, right beside me in the visions of the car crash, letting me know that she would walk with me to what lies beyond the veil of death, where our lives really begin.

The visions themselves came from the One who created all visions, and wired us with intuition and spiritual gifts and skills and the stamina to not care what others think, the One who waits for us to awaken from our human slumber, who longs for us to remember what we already know.

*  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  *  * 

 This story was taken from Triumph of the Spirit, Phil Bolsta’s blog.  To learn more about Phil or to read other great stories (including a couple of mine) go to:  http://bolstablog.com

ABOUT PHIL BOLSTA

SiSe_fullcover_final.inddPhil is the author of Sixty Seconds: One Moment Changes Everything, a collection of 45 inspiring, life-changing stories from prominent people he interviewed, including Joan Borysenko, Deepak Chopra, geneticist Dr. Francis Collins, acclaimed sportswriter Frank Deford, Dr. Larry Dossey, Wayne Dyer, Dan Millman, Caroline Myss, Dr. Christiane Northrup, Dr. Dean Ornish, Dr. Rachel Naomi Remen, Dr. Bernie Siegel, James Van Praagh, singer Billy Vera, Doreen Virtue, Neale Donald Walsch, and bassist Victor Wooten.

Here is a three-minute video that introduces you to Phil and his book.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bic0j4QqFbI

Reading this book is like spending a few minutes face to face with each of the contributors and listening to their personal stories. Click here to read unsolicited testimonials from readers. Learn more by visiting the official Sixty Seconds website.

A Wise Teacher

1 Mar

In the realm of metaphysical thinking, everything is happening just as it should.  We often times can’t fathom that because we tend to see the world from a narrow perspective (or at least I do).

But I really believe this is true … everything happens for a reason … we just don’t always know what that reason is because we aren’t privy to the bigger picture.  But trusting that all is right with the world at all times brings a strong sense of peace and calm to life.

God does provide us with everything that we need.  He brings people and experiences to us on occasion and if we allow them in, amazing things happen.   A very wise and wonderful woman came into my life at just the right time.  Her name is Kathryn Harwig, and she has helped me more than anyone on the planet to widen my view of this world, to ”see” the world in a new way, and to know that all is right with the world and with me.

If you would like to get to know her a little better, click on the link below and watch the 8 different You Tube videos.  It will give you a sneak peak into this wonderful world and will perhaps help to remove the side shields from your view of the world and take in something new and different.

http://www.thegigstunk.com/Listen_and_Watch.html/

The End of an Era

7 Feb

Yesterday was my last day at SPX.  After 34 years and ten months,, it ended just as I had always hoped that it would – in joy, and on my terms.

I can’t say enough good things about SPX.  It has played an enormous role in my life.  It brought me my husband, a wonderful life that afforded me the opportunity to have and raise my daughters, buy a home, and travel on occasion.  SPX was there for me in the good times like my wedding and the birth of my children, but they were also there during the most painful time of my life, the death of my daughter Liz.  And they did more than just send flowers and sympathies.

SPX gave Roger and I as much time off (with pay) as we needed.  But they also went above and beyond … they paid for the food after the funeral.  It was totally unexpected and something we will never forget and will always be grateful for. 

We felt the love and support of the entire company as we dealt with this most painful of events.  And it didn’t stop a month or two after the funeral. 

It’s always oh so easy to sit back and criticize the company and/or the people that you work for.  I’ve done it many times over the years.  But when you look at the big picture, I think we  have a tendency to sell our employers short … or always look at the negative instead of all the positive opportunities they present to us as employees.

So … THANKS SPX …. you gave a shy, quiet 19 year old kid a job and it became a wonderful life.   I could not have asked for anything more.

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